Am I the leper?...So untouchable and so unworthy to even be seen, (all that is known of me is this disruptive voice crying "unclean, unclean". Those words spread the fear ... Don't touch or you will be like me!) - there is really no space of love reserved for a leper.
My disease, which seems more assigned and appointed than real, has me longing and aching; While I hang "in between"... While I hang in "the middle" ... Between Heaven and Earth, between the living and the dead; there is a gnawing sense of needing to know that I belong; needing assurance that I am loved, and needing to know that I have worth. Oh to know the spontaneous touch of Eternal Life, and the feel of that Life being given and shared without regret, reservation or remorse.
I see that You are heading my direction; I stand in anticipation that You will stop Your movement for me, and long enough to embrace me before moving on: And so I wait with bated breath for those everlasting arms to hold me. I wait ... Eyes closed and head bowed. You are there and honored by my waiting ... For You.
I can still smell the mysterious eternal bouquet of your garden of Grace.I can sense the refreshing cool air that flows with your presence in the moment.And still remember the youthful butterfly kisses and playful gestures of love as you encircled and engulfed me in Your Worth ... Making me feel strangely appropriated and treasured beyond my wildest dreams. Oh How I Love you, Jesus.
It was the First Love; it was so new, every fiber of my senses vibrated in sympathetic harmony to the melody of Your Song over me. Every movement of this life was in stride to stay close to you, though you were always near; although I could wander far in a split second, I could never get so far, so high, so low, so fallen ... That You were not there. You bore my shame, You washed my wounds, You anointed my scars, You ravished me, and You captured my heart. And For no other reason than Love, You held me ... For You drew me from out of my nowhere, and raptured me from Above... To be Your Beloved.
I always find myself missing You in those empty moments when my choices have been selfish and full of sorrowful tears; When parting and becoming a castaway had seemed so near, because it would have been my pitiful solution. It was in those moments that Your Longing for me seemed even stronger... in those strangely "in the middle" - "in between" moments, it was there that I bowed to the safety and closeness of the Edge of Between.
There on the Rock, the Cliff again. Safe in the Risk of All You are.There and only there, with no other place to go, with no one to turn to, no one else to trust ... All idols die ... As Jesus has us as we have Him.
Jesus is our All, and all He has ever desired to give us is ours.
Live in the Freedom of the Cliff! Stay on the Edge of Between!
Psalm 18: 2 -
" The LORD is my rock, (the Safety of the Cliff)
and my fortress, (the Provision of the Stronghold)
and my deliverer; (the Security of His Escape)
my God, my strength, ( My God, no idols climbing this insurmountable Wall)
in whom I will trust; (Who in my only sought after Protection)
my buckler, (My ever adjusting/adapting Defense)
and the horn of my salvation,(the obvious shining rays of my Deliverance)
and my high tower." (My High Retreat - Vision of the Future)
I want no other ... So with the appointment of "Leper": I will be His Leper on the Edge of Between.
HLFA,
Jeff