Somewhere just before (or just after) the panic attack, I realized that my life's ebb and flow was running out of me. It was almost like a screw press had its grips on my heart, slowly compressing and squeezing my emotions with a relentless pressure. The pulsating pain that I was feeling was draining my strength, evidenced by an invisible drainage that felt like it was running and dripping from every finger of my hands.
I had let down the guard of the seat of my emotions, which had led to momentarily losing my spirit's reflex to turn only to God for help. My heart had lapsed into a limbo of forgetfulness which made it all but impossible to cast my cares upon the truth of His sustaining character. I was paralyzed while staring at my infirmity, and the thought of God involved ... troubled me.
The amazing thing about our God; although we are great at wasting time with our parties of pity, He knows that time is a resource that drains ever so quickly from our lives, but if redeemed it lifts the eyes of the heart in His direction, and brings a renewed breath to ask the questions that fasten us to Him.
His truth that intervenes with purposeful questions will jog our memories to those nights where our soul sang His Song because of a sensing of celestial air and a granting of sweet sleep. I stopped the self affliction, and thought on those miraculous entries in scripture of His loving kindness to His people. This allowed the resurgence of those memories of His intimate rescues, that were slowly fading, to now come back into focus. Strengthened, I asked purposeful questions:
"Will the Lord cast off forever?" ................................................... NO!
"And will He be favorable no more?" ........................................... NO!
"Is His mercy clean gone forever?" .............................................. NO!
"Does His promise fail for evermore?" ......................................... NO!
"Hath God forgotten to be gracious?"........................................... NO!
"Hath He in anger shut up His tender mercies?" ........................ NO!
SELAH. Psalm 77:7,8,9
"And I said, This is my infirmity: but I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High." Psalm 77:10
At this point, the mud chains forged by my wallowing in the mire of self pity began to drop one by one, and shatter with each question that had demanded the resilient answer of ... "NO!"
Oh, Pain need not have us focus on any other frame, but cause us to wholly lean on Jesus' Name.
Six powerful questions with only one answer: NO! Even when the pain drives us in the wrong direction, He remains faithful and true in His love and compassion for us. He does not cast us off, He desires to show us favor, His mercy endures forever, His promises never fail, He never forgets grace, and Anger is not His choice in how He deals with His children ... Think about it!
"Be careful (worry filled) for nothing; but everything by prayer and supplication WITH THANKSGIVING let your requests be made known unto God." Philippians 4:6
HLFA,
Jeff