Was it fair to be on this dark and twisted road, where every turn seemed to scream out injustice? Surely, I am neither blind nor stupid, so I am able to intuitively cut through the laughter and frivolity that I am passing through and leaving behind. Don't be fooled it doesn't even remotely begin tell the story of the consequences that I am now just beginning to enter. The consequences of the desires and actions of “them” are beginning to cut, tear and rip at me as I trod forward...feeling more and more violated.
I stop to catch my breath. What is this that I hear far behind me?
A sound of sweet innocence singing its way from Your House that now seems so very far behind me. So many voices of reason shouting to me of “opportunities” for a closeness and of “experiences” for wonder found only in Your House. Yes, how beloved and beautiful it is there, even upon entering the outer courtyard my entire being begins to fade as I to cry out for Your life to pour in and over and through me. Oh, how I cry out for that moment with You to last forever. I must move on!
My mind races back to standing on the street and gazing with envy at Your House. Even the sparrow has a nonthreatening and happy nesting place in the crevice of Your eves. And oh how satisfied are they that get to stay there day and night … I can still see them there, still praising Thee! Why did I listen to Your voice that called me from beyond and above. Why did I believe that my strength was in Thee?
Following Your voice has led me down this dark and twisted road. Moment by moment my heart is feeling the anguish of “them”, whose life without You has brought such tragic consequence. Why can't I stand in Your House among the singers singing and the praisers praising? Why must I smell the stench, see the filth, touch the corruption, hold the brokenness, hear the cries and taste the tears as they mingle with mine. This is not how I envisioned the “bliss of serving You”.
I have come to realize how temporary my movement through this deep vale of tears actually is. I am always passing through. I allow myself to be a victim in covenant with those lost in these dark places. I will soon pass by but I must not be completely overtaken by “their” fault. I must not be captured completely by “their” season of pleasure for so soon its effects could leave me clinging to the root of bitterness. Though I am also cut by the consequences of “them” whose dark road has become so much a part of my heart … I will dig a well of redemption, I will carve out pools of restitution, I will uncover springs of refreshment, and I will challenge others to do the same. For I am "them".
Was it fair to be on this dark and twisted road, where every turn seemed to scream out injustice? I have found myself on my face, not wet with the dew of the morning, but drenched in the tears for my sins and others. Oft I have begun to try to sing the songs of “Your House” only to find You have somehow placed my voice among “them” and “their” songs of sorrow within my heart. Strangely, this is when you pour Your strength and Your joy in and over and through me. I now have power to pass on Your love to others.
I stop to catch my breath. What is this that I hear not so far ahead of me?
A sound of sweet innocence reborn singing its way from Your House that now seems just ahead of me. So many familiar voices beckoning me to join the closeness and rest in the wonder found only in Your House. Yes, how beloved and beautiful it is here, as I pass through the outer courtyard my entire victimized being begins to fade as your eternal love pours in and over and through me. Oh, how I joyfully cry in this moment with You forever.
“O LORD of hosts, blessed is the man that trusteth in Thee.” Psalm 84:12
HLFA,
Jeff
