No doubt the ache of life can close in on us to the point where it becomes very personal, and at times ...down right embarrassing. Life on this side of Heaven can deal some harsh blows to our flesh that cripple us and cause to cower from the gaze of mankind. In those moments ... all we want to do is lock the door, pull down the shades and bury ourselves in the noncritical nature of sleep; but even sleep can flee from us as we struggle from one troubled dream sequence to another. There seems to be no relief and definitely no notable answers to our impertinent and impatient prayers. And we struggle on unnecessarily because of a "question" that we are told not to ask ... Even to the point where we are led to believe it may be a sin to ask.
That type of day had come to me; oh but not all of a sudden. The pain had being poking and jabbing at my frame for some time almost to the point of in-concealable debilitation. As the first dull light of this particular day was trying to poke through the voids in my dark window coverings, I was conscious of my faltering movements that were highlighted by these invading rays of judgment. Each piercing beam felt like a cruel prison spotlight that illuminated the embarrassing changes that were now chained to my mortal frame. "Nobody can see me like this!" I muttered hopelessly, "I am so worthless!" The negative self fulfilling prophesies were beginning to choke any resolve for Hope and forward movement ... When out of the corner of the room came a Voice that shattered the gloom -- and all it said was "Let not!" (My heart, though troubled, was still connected to His spirit through my times in the Word, and immediately filled in the blanks).
I stopped in my sorrowful pain, and prayed ... And prayed and prayed even more fervently ... Then I stopped. The air around was dead still almost gloating in a symphony of "nothing" to subject my faith to even more abuse, AND RIGHT THEN ... NOTHING!
Still there was no immediate relief, and just I was going to reflexively begin the complaining from my overwhelming feeling of abandonment -- the Voice whispered strange a distant hope as it said clearly ... "Be Still!" So I quieted the noise that was haunting my soul and waited before Him. I had a question that was being held back by fear and by the keepers of my voice. The fear had tentacled its way into my prayers because of the curses placed on "the asking of this question" by disenchanted or disconnected teachers. These individuals have passed on their biased reasoning not because of the truth of God's Word but potentially because of the overshadowing of a disappointing event where they may have "skied" this question but failed to wait on earth for the answer. Some of these teachers may have come to where I was and because of the same erroneous teaching handed to them also ... failed to find what they truly needed in that moment because they would not ask that vital question.
The Voice came again and broke the chains of fear that were holding back that question - "Fear not ... Ask!"
So I did.
"WHY?"
... Nothing happened, I wasn't struck down but I wasn't raised up ...but the power of needing to hear the voice again caused me to wait ... In my waiting, the voice spoke again and said "My God, my God ... Why hast Thou forsaken me?" ... It was quiet again and I was left with Jesus asking "Why?"... Quiet a little longer I realized that I was left with what I was really needing ...to know Him.
Psalm 20:1-3 - "The Lord hear the in the day of trouble; the Name of the God of Jacob defend thee; send help from the sanctuary, and strengthen thee out of Zion; remember all thy offerings, and accept thy burnt offerings."
Let's break down this blessed admonition from the heart God through of Psalmist, not in terms of "If God is with me?" Because of Jesus ... Let's look at it in light of amazing revealed truth - "Emmanuel" God with us ... in answer to a need to be freed from covetousness "I will never leave thee nor forsake thee!" Hear the truth for believers "He is with us, and in us and will work through us" ... Believe!
Now to Psalm 20:1-3 to open as a firmer anchor for our souls: "The LORD is hearing you, right now in whatever is perplexing you, His Name is your defense as He is your defender; His help will be an extension (He is always reaching help to you and He will not pull back) of His personal time that you come apart with Him (a holy place where you hold nothing back from Him because His love will cast out all fear), He is actively present bringing strength from these Parched Places that call for the water of His Word (personally, read afresh and drink deeply). He does not cast off your gifts of love to the sea of forgetfulness - He remembers all of our attempts to love Him; and He extravagantly anoints the sacrifices that we let Him utterly consume."
Give the dark moments of "Why?" willingly to Him, and wait as you ask why ... He will pull you closer in His everlasting arms.
Don't just say "Why!" ; And walk away totally crushed.
His Word + A crushing moment + a Why + a wait = His answers of love from His Word.
Isaiah 40:31
HLFA,
Jeff