I looked out of the window with a longing heart. I climbed on to one of the dining room chairs that I pushed to the front door to peer out of the top door windows, and strained to see with an anxious soul. I stood and gazed at the sofa that , so soon, “Love” would be resting on after a long day of work. I imagined what it would feel like to be able to curl up near Love and feel a gentle tousling of my hair. My eyes clouded up as I imagined looking into his tired but loving eyes, and hearing him say “I love you my child, God blessed us on that day that you came into our lives”. Oh, I wanted so badly to be blessed, and to feel that I too was a blessing. But it would not be so … love would come home; and my hopeful desires would be shattered.
Love came in the front door; we all cowered and moved away. Love would be rudely and immediately impatient to the point of insult and cursing. Love would vaunt himself and show his strength with a display of horrid expressions and a torrent of threatening gestures. Love would keep us cowering in the shadows. Love would roar,“Where is my dinner?” Love then would smile, but just before an unprovoked beating. Love seemed so selfish with his space and his time ...“Leave me alone, I don't know what we were thinking when we decided to have you kids”. And then Love would turn to Mommy and bless her with … “You are the worst wife and mother of all time!” “The biggest mistake, apart from having kids, was the day I married you!” The evening meal was a meal of bitter herbs no matter what was served.
It almost seemed like Love wanted us to be bad so that we would prove that he was right. He seemed happier with our lies of agreement with his accusations, than with the truth of our devotion to him. Love closed his eyes and stopped his ears to our efforts to please him. Love never heard Mommy trying to build him up in the eyes of others, as she would swallow her shame and say ...”He works very hard and loves his family dearly!” Love seemed to be bothered by all things, and mistrusted all things. As a family, we felt that he hoped we would all be dead, because he acted like he couldn't stand us for one more moment. Love was failing.
We would go to church as a family, and Love would make sure we behaved. Love would smile and talk nice to others and spend time with the pastor; but no sooner would be be driving away from the church, Love would begin to tear us down. Week after week we would hear about God's love. Week after week I would whisper in my heart if God is like Love, then I don't want Him. Love had failed.
If in reading this a light has switched on and your heart is tugged in some direction … “pray”. Pray appropriately for your need or someone elses new start. “For His mercies are new every morning”(His mercies of second chances are renewed with every moment of awaking or unveiling light). As a parent, your level to cope with the pressures of this world and to be an effective parent will be proportionate to the time you spend loving and being loved by the Lord Jesus Christ (unseen by others).
We are only as real as we are in secret with our God. Make a positive impact on your family as you secretly allow God to make an impact on you. Be courageous in your open love for your God by openly loving your family … never openly embarrassing and belittling your family.
Count on God's Love daily because your family is counting on you.
Don't be afraid of curling up on the Daddy Chair because He will always be there for you.
HLFA,
Jeff
"And now abideth faith, hope, love,these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE." I Cor. 13:13