Anytime there is a stress caused by awkwardly supporting this weakness or pain inflicted on my life (this can be caused by both physical and mental stress), my upper left torso will literally curl in and stiffen up as a reaction. Although I am unaware of my body's response at first, I will soon sense it as I reach out and try to touch any object only to be greeted with a numbness that will now be evident in my left hand. Sometimes this “numbness” will be accompanied by a twitching sensation in my left brachial plexus (this is near the wing area of the back). This spasmodic sensation, while I was going through chemotherapy, made me think I was having a heart attack. Soon, It would be revealed that I was coddling the pain and stress, and due to this I would pull my body out of joint. The advice when this would begin to happen … “relax and have someone else massage the center of the pain” (My beautiful Wife has helped in this area throughout the years).
NOW – What is the real numbness that I am concerned with? It comes into my soul anytime I am overwhelmed with the inequities that I face on this side of eternity. FACT: Things are “not fair” (so much of the time) and more so when we are facing our own helplessness in the mix ( I can do nothing!). We do not have the ability to see even remotely what God sees, and to know what God knows about the personal nature and character of the billions of individuals on this planet. Satan also … will always throw “innocence” into the bubbling caldron of the “Where is God?” stew. And the deceiver intensifies the issue by supporting our whining with scriptural promises that it appears God has failed keep. {Irritating Sidebar: We will always have excuses why we don't love those that we could be there for … in our own house and own community ... while we continue to complain about the inequities of the Kingdom and failures of God on the other side of the world. }
With the advent of our digital age, our eyes can see further and our hearts can be more troubled because of the vastness of this world's adornment that is littered with atrocities, inequities, and shame. We can be so saturated with the lies of the facade that we will step up as judges; daring even to be judges of righteousness, and begin hurling accusations towards others, towards“church”, towards “faith”, and towards God. We really don't want another perspective when we are numb, because we love to create and coddle our own suffering.
Soon we don't read, heed, or even need God's Word, while His voice gets lost in our spasmodically pained hearts. The numbness takes over, and we become extremely fatigued with the whole concept of life and living for a higher purpose (let alone just living!). Our adversary agrees - “What is the use? … “God doesn't do anything when I pray anyhow.”
When will I learn ... that to move from my numbness and find real life in “coming after” Christ:
- I must vigorously deny myself (disconnect from trying to make a whining name for myself by identifying only with my selfish needs),
- take up “my”cross of Christ (in a visible, DAILY, committed, ownership of the truth of the Cross' effects on my life and the world around me),
- and Follow Jesus (daily moving out of my fragile and quickly fading comfort zone and into the encouraging conflict to rescue eternal souls).
Start this rebuking with me!
I must throw away my prideful measuring stick, turn from my stubbornness, stop gathering together with my whining “Jeff” disciples, and crucify my desire to prove I am righteousness.
Bow with me!
HLFA,
Jeff
PS (Prayer Statement) – Lord, please, keep me from the numbness of my heart and soul, so that when I reach out I can truly touch others for Thee in a way that honors you. I will relax and let you massage my pain and numbness away.